6 months.

This is how I would sum up the last 6 months:  Holy crap I love her so much but oh my god, this is tiring.  It is fair to say that my admiration for other parents have increased exponentially since I've become a mom, perhaps to infinity...especially stay at home parents.  Taking care of a kid or kids full time is WAY more tiring than working outside the home.

As E turned half a year old, I found myself reflecting a lot about these 6 months.  Our lives have changed so much, I have changed, and because of E, I am learning about myself, ICM, and our marriage in ways I never have before.  I worry more now, I am more patient (even if it is only with her haha), I try harder to live in the moment because she is growing up so quickly, I am more cognizant of my own actions because she is constantly learning from me, I depend on ICM much more, I count my lucky stars all the time that my husband is my best partner in crime, and the thing I cherish the most is that she is teaching me to love more deeply and selflessly.  Motherhood has been so very humbling.  I knew it was hard but not like that.  I didn't realize that breastfeeding could be difficult and that pumping for your baby requires dedication and determination.  I didn't realize that there are all these decisions to be made - when do we introduce solids, what type, do we sleep train, the list goes on.  Juggling tasks and responsibilities, finding time to do things that I love as an individual, and being a wife and a mom all at once is hard, especially when I am running low on sleep.  But it is amazing how much she motivates me, perhaps because there is no choice.  When I am nursing her at night and she is cuddled up against me, I am still shocked that she is all mine (well, ICM's too).  She crawls towards us, she holds her arms up to be held when she is crying in her crib, she wants us, just us.  How can we not do our best, or at least try?

But there's guilt too.  Even though I really enjoyed maternity leave and I missed her like crazy once I returned to work, I could not imagine being home full time.  I don't know if it's because it is ultra tiring and I am lazy, if I just really enjoy having my own time, or I feel like I don't know how to entertain her the whole day.  But I do feel guilty.  Sometimes I wonder why some people can't wait to stay home with their baby all day and I would feel stir crazy after two or three days holed up with E.  Who knows, I think this might change as she gets older.  For now, this works for us.

I think the coolest part about being a mom is watching her develop new skills and a personality.  Evolution is amazing.  Biology is amazing.  One week it is watching her on all fours rocking unstably, two weeks later, she is sitting up and crawling.  You couldn't teach me much in 6 months time, haha.

Here are some photos.  Ahh, I love her chubby thighs.


{Click to enlarge}




Happy Sunday!


Finally decided to set up the backdrop stand that I bought months ago and use one of our succulents as a model.  These two were tiny when we bought them for our wedding from an online store.  The diameter of the big one must be at least 5 or 6 inches.  YAY sunroom. 

Life is great.  The transition back to work has been pretty smooth, largely due to the fact that I have a group of coworkers who I actually love.  It helps that ICM is taking care of E as well.  ICM's paternity leave is coming to a close but good news is that we FINALLY found child care.  It's going to be kind of nerve wrecking leaving her with a group of strangers but we'll pull through! 

Alright, half of my Sunday is almost gone. Hope all is well with everyone.



Our new normal.

Hello! Time flies...and once again, I've abandoned the blog for a good chunk of time.  I'd like to think I have a really great excuse nowadays though. Maternity leave flew by (just like everyone told me it would) and I am headed back to work on Wednesday.

This morning, when I was rocking baby E to sleep, I thought about the new normal I have had for the past three months:  putting her down for naps, counting her dirty and poopy diapers, hunting obsessively for sleep cues and hunger cues, learning to breastfeed, snuggling with her, keeping my cool when she changes (which is all the time), rocking her to sleep, wanting to throw myself out the window some days because she won't nap, googling all sorts of baby stuff online that I never thought I'd google, being constantly amazed by her development, calling the pediatrician like a crazy and paranoid mom, bothering the Le Leche League ladies, eating dinner after 8pm, loving life more every time she smiles/laughs/talks, seeing ICM as a dad, adapting, and worrying constantly.  And as I thought about all of these things, I am so grateful that I have this new normal and it hit me that I am going to miss it so so so much when I go back to work.  Maybe this is what it really means to fully embrace the good and the bad (even the torturous parts that make you want to claw your eyes out).

I came across this poem a few days ago from A Cup of Jo and when I first read it, I thought of my sweet baby.
"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.  Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.  Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.  Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.  One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." - Mary Jean Irion
Some photos

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Po Chi Fung is a Ventura County based Photographer specializing in children portraits in studio, professional headshots, and branding and documentary photography for businesses. Po Chi Fung Photography is located in Ventura, California and serves Ventura County, Santa Barbara County, and Los Angeles County - Ventura, Ojai, Santa Barbara, Montecito, Santa Monica, Thousand Oaks, Oxnard, Pasadena, San Marino, and other surrounding areas.